A FAMILY IS THE CELL OF THE SOCIAL LIFE.

Tureniyazova Marzhan Yerzhanbekovna

A family is the main important and influential factor of a child`s socialization. As such, the childrearing methods, the family`s social status, the workplace of the family members, the material well-being and the parent`s educational level are somewhat define a child`s way of living. Besides a prudent, full valued and well aimed parenting, the family life has influence on the child and the consequences of this influence contribute to development of a child`s personality.

The child`s future starts in the family; a man and a woman shall decide whether they need a child, how many children they will have and how they will raise their children. Every child`s development and formation depends on the surrounding environment. In most cases, childhood impressions play a decisive role in the person`s future life. Apart from the children`s physical needs, to satisfy these needs, the children shall develop the mental needs which is essential for all development phases.

The characteristic of the relationship between the child and the parents, their emotional bond and attachment serve as a role model in forming a relationship with the other people and these factors influence not only childhood but child`s future life. For this reason it is important that every child has a mother and a father.

The child`s mental needs are satisfied when there is a favourable environment in the family. The family creates not only favorable opportunities for the child`s development, but also teaches the child as to how to behave in a social environment that is continuously developing and provides conditions for child`s socialization.The child learns to respond to the constantly changing environment. The child maintains a new relationship with the help of the mother and other members of the family who support him or her and upholds the particular role and position in the society. His confidence built within family facilitates the social adaptation and helps him or her to grow up. The various hardships that adults face in the social sphere are the results of their upbringing in the conflictual, severe environment or the authoritarian parenting.

The genetic effects, i.e. characteristics inherited from the parents also contribute to child`s development. But child`s guidance received in the yearly ages influences his or her teenage behavior and hard working ability, relationship within the family. Every child needs to have a mother or someone who can fully substitute her. The mother responds to the positive feeling of the child. Also the child needs an environment that recognizes and understands him or her and environment to which he or she will adopt. At the early age the environment shall become a family for the child. Gradually her or his environment will expand, but the warm family ties developed in the family is very important. For the child`s stable development he needs to have a group of people having common interest who will regard him as personality.

Thus, childrearing is like organized process that considers achievement of particular goals and particular tasks. The main goal of childrearing in every family is the children`s all-round development, instilling spiritual wealth and high moral characters. Increasing number of incomplete families today also shall pursue this goal. Given that the single parent, the father or the mother has to deal with it, of course, it is difficult to pursue this goal. A family is a world of traditions and rules, complex relationships difficult to study from the outside which in their turn at some point affect personality of the family members, first of all the children`s personality. Even if they cover different areas, the mentioned groups are interrelated.

When considering childrearing, one shall take into account that first of all childrearing is the system for management of relationship of a child and parents, and a mother has a leading role in this system. For this reason parents shall know the following: what kind of attitude towards their children influence the harmonious development of the child`s psychology and personality trait, and what kind of attitude, conversely, hinders the development of the character and what kind of attitude in most cases leads to deformation of the personality and difficult upbringing.

Also, in this case, it is important to know the main difference between family upbringing and social upbringing.

One of the family upbringing characteristics is well defined emotional form of relationship between the child and the parents and parental affection toward each other. Showing only affection is not sufficient for proper upbringing of a child; also permissive parents` love leads to development of unwanted traits, conditionally they may be defined as “the spoiled kid syndrome”. Also it is worth to remember that it is difficult to bring up your own child. The social upbringing is clearly defined – upbringing within one organization (a school, other organization outside school, orphanage) and this upbringing is organized according to the plan. This upbringing not only properly organized also is under monitoring of the certain specialists. As to the family upbringing, it sometimes left uncontrolled.

The following factors hinder you from bringing up your children:

1) Feeling fatigue – a person feels tired due to fulfilling his or her job responsibility, at the workplace keeps feelings under control; at home he or she feels free and thinks tomorrow I will begin upbringing in a proper way;

2) Unorganized living conditions – leads to discontent among the parents, disharmony in the family. For this reason the parents pay little attention to children and busy with domestic problems, in the most cases children are left at home on their own. Facing disinterest and lack of proper attention to his or her concerns within the family, the child starts seeking support and understanding outside the home;

3) Parents` insufficient pedagogic training level: some of them do not even have a minimum level of pedagogic training; some have no pedagogical ability at all, third do not understand the importance of the upbringing specific methods.

Parents` inability to bring up the children lead to failure to impose the requirements, improper use of punishment and encouragement, the parents force the child and apply physical punishment. Failure to choose the appropriate forms, methods and tools of the pedagogical influence, develops a certain views, habits and desire in the children and makes difficult children`s social relationship.

In most cases the parents consider that thier parental responsibility is to demand complete obedience from their children, as such, they do not even try to understand children, on the contrary, they try to scold and disapprove the children more. They forget about heart-to-heart conversation and truth. Such surrogate of upbringing gives the formal satisfaction to the parents and it`s of no avail even it is harmful for the children.

One of the family upbringing characteristic is to become as a role model for the children. The children tend to emulate parents` good and bad behavior and learn relationship rules that not always compliant with the social standard norm. All these factors may lead to development of the abnormal form of the characteristic.

The family upbringing specific characteristics can be clearly seen from the hardship the parents face and mistakes they made.

The influence of the upbringing style to the development of child`s personality is widely discussed in physiological literatures. At the present time, the following opinion is well known: the type of relationship between the parents and the child is one of the important factors that develop the child`s trait and personality. The type of relationship between the child and parents is clearly seen in the upbringing of the child.

English psychotherapist D.Bolubi having studied the characteristics of the children grown up without parental care has classified the following types of the pathogenic upbringing:

- one of the parents or both parent do not satisfy child`s need for love or absolutely ignore the child.

- the child is regarded as a tool for solving the marital problems.

- as a disciplinary action regard the child with disfavor or using of threatening actions like “leave the family”.

- make the child believe that only he or she is responsible for the illness of the family members, the divorce or death.

- absence of a person next to the child who is able to understand his concerns, absence of a person who could replace the absent parents or “bad” parents.

According to the opinion of the most reseachers of neurosis problems the parents` destructive style and attitude towards the children lead to anomaly during development of the child personality.

The parents` personal traits have the significant influence on the relationship between children and parents. “The schizophrenogenic mother” concept is the clear evidence for this.

'Schizophrenogenic mother' – is tyrannic, authoritative woman, gives rise to the emotions of fear, because of the need for control of someone`s life, hinders the steady development of his own child. She tries to have perfect characteristics and demands from others the same.

From one side she gives a promise to the child to fulfill all his or her desires, from other side gives an offence by controlling in trivial things. Finally, the child refuses the outside world for the sake of security promised by tyrannical and authoritative mother, and mother keeps under care her anxiety and disaffection.

The issues like the poor material conditions of the families observed in recent years, the increase of incomplete families, the decrease of a desire to have a child, the children estranged from the parents, the decrease of the parent`s reputation compared with the reputation of the successful friend are tend to increase. As such, the family issues in the society are important today. One of the reasons for emerging of the considered issues are related to the spiritual values of a person in choosing a partner to start a family.

References

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2 Druzhinin V.N. Family psychology. – М: KSP (“КСП”), 1996.

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4 Homentauskas G.Т. The family through the eyes of a child]. – М: Pedagogy, 1989

5 Khankhasaeva I.N. Raising a daughter, raising a son. – М: Pedagogy, 1991.

6 Schtolts Kh What you want your child to be? (Children and family conflict) L. Аnzorg: A book for a teacher: translation from German. – М: Prosveschenie, 1987.