A BEHAVIOR OF A MOTHER AND A FATHER AND RELATIONSHIP ISSUES DURING PSYCHOLOGICAL PREPARATION OF THE YOUTH FOR THE FAMILY LIFE

Tureniyazova Marzhan Yerzhanbekovna

A fatherhood and a motherhood has not only social connections but one of the aspects of a common sexual differentiation consisting of biological issues. Now we will consider in depth a role of a mother and a father in a child`s life.

A motherhood. What is the mother`s role in a child`s life? Is it only about giving a birth, providing a sustenance or is it about providing moral and

spiritual care ?

Afanaseva [3] said “a mother is regarded first of all as a guide and a mentor, the child`s happiness and future, education and values such as being honesty and intelligent depend only on mother.

Lack of the mother`s affection or its insufficiency in most cases may lead to development of an unwanted psychological behavior, a sense of insecurity and displeasure, physical illness even may lead to a death. An orphanage may provide the best living conditions for orphans or abandoned children, but growing up and leaving the orphanage they start searching their mothers, a person very dear to them. The child must see his mother as a close friend, a reliable protector.

The mother`s responsibility is very important, one shall not hinder the mother to fulfill her responsibility.

What traits does the mother possess that make the child feel comfortable with her ? How can the mother engage the child`s heart ? Why is the mother so dear to the child? In many authors` view, this is mother`s capacity to love her child …..to love her child. That is, the mother`s care for her child, protecting her, showing concern for the child and etc. A special relationship between the mother and the child is one of the factors of the child`s emotional steady development and lifestyle.

Feeding the child and taking care of the child is a women`s responsibility.

The meaning of “the maternal instinct” shall not be perceived in the literal sense.

In a cultural environment which is familiar to us, the motherhood, women stereotype is hypostatic, and the motherhood role in the social environment is more precisely defined compared to the fatherhood and an significant value is placed on the motherhood in the social environment. This is proved by ethnographic and historical data on mother`s close connection and decisive role in upbringing and taking care for the five – seven years old child. If the mother will change her role and will act as a supporter of the family or care-giver, this will not change female and masculine functions. A father`s role have always been problematic.

What makes our mothers special and fearless? [3]. Maybe they are special due to prudence, far sightedness, unique characteristics…It is defined depending on how many children mothers have and how carefully do they fulfill their responsibility. It is our capacity to take decision as to whether we want to be a mother or not and how will we fulfill our responsibilities, which distinguish us from other living beings.

As responsibility for her own intentional actions, today every woman is posing the abovementioned questions. For that reason, first of all we should consider: why do we need a child and for whom?

Women who went through hardships fearlessly for the sake of their children and for the sake of leaving a generation behind are worthy to be praised. But there are mothers who use their children as a tool to achieve the particular goals. The motherhood shall not be regarded as a mere physiological act but rather as a moral norm. Every healthy woman can be a mother but not every woman can be a good mother.

The image of a perfect mother may be challenged, if the mother concentrated in making efforts to be a perfect mother only for her own children. To ensure proper fulfillment of her tasks, the mother shall not only focus in this particular responsibility. A good mother is concerned not only about her own children`s welfare, but her heart is open to strangers` happiness and grief; even if her children live in abundance she should fight against injustice happening in the world.

A good mother shall teach her children to protect and maintain themselves, adjust themselves to the various situations in life. In fact, we do express our appreciation to those mothers, who taught us to do good deeds to the others.

In reality, the mother is child`s guide, teacher and instructor in thier life and children fulfill mother`s wishes and requests in all conditions. We do respect the mothers who did not lose children`s love and respect and they are their supporters and mentors, even if their point of view is different as to particular matters, they are willing to accept and appreciate children`s truth and efforts. [3].

The mother`s role is tend to change during relationship with children, “emancipation and masculinization” do harm woman`s disposition, a women tries to control her husband`s and children`s behavior. In a close-knit family, when a mother disciplines a child, she places an emphasis from the early age on the attitude “how”, and when a father disciplines a child, he places an emphasis on the attitude “why”, a father emphasizes on the attitude “yourself”, and a mother on the attitude “helpfulness”.

In Furtuann`s opinion some mothers spend less time with their children and give them less attention. Since the child cannot expect understanding from the mother`s side, she/he has to seek support from the other people. This may lead to loss of mutual understanding, intimacy and friendship between the mother and the child.

Parent must try, as far as possible, to fulfill children needs, show interest in their opinion and concerns, talk to them. Unfortunately, the strict measures and harsh words are tend to easily destroy a friendship and intimacy between the mother and the child, therefore the parents shall avoid the conditions that may lead to such measures. If there is close connection and mutual understanding between the mother and the child, the child will start to share his concern and secrets with the mother.

In a relationship with the child, a prudent mother will prefer to chose gentle words and avoid using harsh words that may hurt the child.

In order to maintain good relations and achivements, the mother should never set strict dictatorial requirements. But in the same time excessive admiration should be avoided.

A fatherhood. Why have a man been given a privilege of running the family and for what special merits? Is it natural, historical or social occurrence? The orphans, single mothers live their lives, they bring up children without man`s support. A house without a mother - empty, cold arid land, and a house without a father - no description. [3].

Compared to women, man`s realization becoming a father comes late and it is expressed in different form. Because, compared to the motherhood, the fatherhood is tend to be reasonless, in the most cases bears an instinct character, it is the worldview phenomenon rather than the feeling. It signifies not only mature age, as well as spiritual and social maturity. This quality is very rare. In the most cases a man is reluctant to share his wife` love and attention with someone else, even with his own child. [2].

How do we regard man at home nowadays? Man – hero – manager – director - supporter of the family? Supporter of the family was the main role and responsibility of a man at all times. In the most cases it defines his position and role in the home; in the home that was built by him or bought by him.

How can a man be a good father? At the present time, the mothers who receive a high salary encourage their husband who are paid less, to stay at home and take care of a child in order to preserve material welfare. In order to involve fathers in a child`s upbringing, they try to transform a father into a mother. Of note, a husband must help his wife to take care of the child, but even trained father cannot take the place of a mother. The father has a specific role. He is a man, husband, male parent, in other words he assume responsibility for the sons; for their mindset, feeling, he teaches them to develop the same way of thinking, felling and taking the same actions.

If the father is not involved in important household chores and tasks on his own or naturally, it has impact on his status and influence in the family.

In the present families, in the upbringing of the child, the father should assist in household tasks, he should take up the part of housework and become the mother`s helper. In the progressive tendency the father`s role in the family will be transformed into the role of a sound, stable, supporter of the mother and children. As such, the father will be responsible and they expect that favorable and unfavorable conditions will receive an unbiased assessment.

Reference list:

1 Abramenkova V.V. Child social psychology: development of relationship of a child in the child subculture. – М:Моskow psychology social institution; Voronezh: Printing house NPO “MODEK” (НПО “МОДЭК”), 2000.

2 Druzhinin V.N. Family psychology. – М: KSP (“КСП”), 1996.

3 Furutan А.А. Fathers, mothers, children: Practical advice to the parents: translation from English/Introduction К.G. Mitrophanova. – М: Progess, 1992.

4 Homentauskas G.Т. The family through the eyes of a child]. – М: Pedagogy, 1989