Sagyngaliyeva M., Akhtayeva N.S.

al-Farabi Kazakh national University

CONSTRUCTIVE STRATEGY OF HAPPY MARRIED COUPLE

In today's world, which is undergoing major changes, particularly with regard to traditional marriage and the institution of the family as a whole, the number of divorces and single women and single men is growing every year. In our "material" century when it is impossible to keep track of changes and there is no shortage of anything, young people prefer to "replace" a partner and unsatisfying their relationship or not tying the knot, rather than try to change the situation or attitude to her and, ultimately, save a marriage or a family. Of course, there are circumstances when it makes no sense to continue the relationship, such as marriage does not bring nothing but grief and stress, but there are many ways to save the relationship, once it brings joy, especially if there are children in the family. Psychological health of children which brought up in single-parent families,, as well as the presence of models of building healthy family relationships is the subject of a separate study.

According to British newspaper Economist, Kazakhstan is on the 10th place among countries in the number of divorces in the world. Also, according to statistics of the Ministry of National Economy of Kazakhstan, in Kazakhstan over the past three years the number of marriages decreased, while the number of reported divorces increase for the seventh consecutive year. The reasons for this increase in the number of divorces may be many, some of which are, in my opinion, the reluctance to adapt to the partner and to compromise and unwillingness to marry at all.

Certainly, any marriage relations are multifaceted and unique, but there are a few common problems and mistakes in pairs, and their knowledge will help prevent misunderstandings leading to rupture.

One of the important components of a successful life together is the ability to turn a blind eye to the shortcomings of a partner, in small disputes and conflicts. This topic was touched by John M. Gottman, in his book "Map of Love." Most marital disputes simply do not have the solution, and the spent effort and time doesn’t cost that.. It is believed that an open discussion of disagreements and determine the causes of the conflict is a strategy for successful relationships, but the practice and experience of the happy couples show it’s often more productive to remain silent and to treat loyal petty differences and disadvantages of a partner.

By and large, any long-term relationships are impossible without controversy. The success of family relationships depends on the ways to overcome these conflicts. Also in this regard is interesting John Gray's idea, the American researcher in the area the interpersonal relations. In his book, he compares men and women with natives of different planets , stressing the fundamental differences in the nature of the sexes. Thus, in quarrels it is particularly necessary to take into account gender differences of partners, including different reaction to the events, circumstances and expressed phrases. For men in the conflict or immediately after it, it’s necessary to be alone and think things in themselves, whereas it’s much easier for women to discuss all aspects of the problem. That is why women are trying in every way to "talk" and to come into contact with partner. At the same time a man feels that he is under pressure, and his personal boundaries tough break. He himself strives to give his partner time and space "to cool down" and sort out his thoughts and feelings, that a woman misinterpreted as the indifference and "cold".

It is also one of the major errors in the relationship between the sexes is that men tend to offer a solution to any problem, completely oblivious to the feelings, and women have the habit of advising even when nobody did not ask. For men, it is essential to feel that he is accepted what he is and nobody does not want to change him, so to the advice of even the best intentions, they react badly. In the best case, advice should be given, if the man himself asks about it. For women, it is important to be heard and understood, and often a man just need to listen to partner, not interrupting and offering solutions. For this men are perplexed: why complain if then do not take active steps to solve the problems? But the psychology of women is that simply feel supported and cared for by a partner, without guidance on how it should be done, it is enough to gain peace of mind.

One of the biggest mistakes in determining the relationship among couples is the transition to personal criticism instead of complaints or comments about a particular act. Often you can observe how the dispute over trifles goes into a big quarrel, when the partners recall old wrongs and put forward vague accusations against the partner character traits, while only multiplying offenses. Do not constantly point to the shortcomings of partners, and we should remember that critisism- an attack on the whole person, in contrast to the statements of discontent specific act or action.

The disturbing signal is an expression of contempt for the partners to make a person feel bad. This defeats the purpose of the continuation of the relationship and the true value of marriage. Not much better situation is the leaving of one of the partners in ,it is a condition where one partner, usually the man, "disconnected" from the joint relationship. The same list can include a situation where one of the partners is exposed to constant attack from another and constant attacks verbally. All these signs are not necessarily characterise coming of divorce, but if they continue for a long time and thus superimposed on each other, they can contribute to the final rupture.

People in happy marriages are willing to compromise. Now very popular quote is "in a quarrel with a person dear to you do not forget to ask yourself the big question: I want to be right or happy?". Unconditional desire to prove his correctness in any way, meanwhile, does not lead to a satisfactory resolution of the problems, but only increases the wall of misunderstanding in the pair.

Love and passion can connect a pair, but a compromise and respect support this unity About 70% of couples said that the determining factor in their happiness is the quality of friendly relations with a partner. Partners can at the same time genuinely enjoy each other's company and keep tenderness and admiration for each other. Relationships are stable when the partners are ready to make concessions and to listen to each other. Happy marriage- is when each partner supports the dreams and hopes of his halves. Particular attention should be paid to everyday attention devoted to partner in life.
Living in a happy marriage - it is one of ways to provide satisfaction with live for many years . Happy marriage- is not a godsend or the will of the case, it is a daily work.