CONSTRUCTIVE STRATEGY OF HAPPY MARRIED COUPLE

Authors

  • М Сагынгалиева Республика Казахстан
  • НС Ахтаева Республика Казахстан

Abstract

In today's world, which is undergoing major changes, particularly with regard to traditional marriage and the institution of the family as a whole, the number of divorces and single women and single men is growing every year. In our "material" century when it is impossible to keep track of changes and there is no shortage of anything, young people prefer to "replace" a partner and unsatisfying their relationship or not tying the knot, rather than try to change the situation or attitude to her and, ultimately, save a marriage or a family. Of course, there are circumstances when it makes no sense to continue the relationship, such as marriage does not bring nothing but grief and stress, but there are many ways to save the relationship, once it brings joy, especially if there are children in the family. Psychological health of children which brought up in single-parent families,, as well as the presence of models of building healthy family relationships is the subject of a separate study. According to British newspaper Economist, Kazakhstan is on the 10th place among countries in the number of divorces in the world. Also, according to statistics of the Ministry of National Economy of Kazakhstan, in Kazakhstan over the past three years the number of marriages decreased, while the number of reported divorces increase for the seventh consecutive year. The reasons for this increase in the number of divorces may be many, some of which are, in my opinion, the reluctance to adapt to the partner and to compromise and unwillingness to marry at all. Certainly, any marriage relations are multifaceted and unique, but there are a few common problems and mistakes in pairs, and their knowledge will help prevent misunderstandings leading to rupture. One of the important components of a successful life together is the ability to turn a blind eye to the shortcomings of a partner, in small disputes and conflicts. This topic was touched by John M. Gottman, in his book "Map of Love." Most marital disputes simply do not have the solution, and the spent effort and time doesn’t cost that.. It is believed that an open discussion of disagreements and determine the causes of the conflict is a strategy for successful relationships, but the practice and experience of the happy couples show it’s often more productive to remain silent and to treat loyal petty differences and disadvantages of a partner. By and large, any long-term relationships are impossible without controversy. The success of family relationships depends on the ways to overcome these conflicts. Also in this regard is interesting John Gray's idea, the American researcher in the area the interpersonal relations. In his book, he compares men and women with natives of different planets , stressing the fundamental differences in the nature of the sexes. Thus, in quarrels it is particularly necessary to take into account gender differences of partners, including different reaction to the events, circumstances and expressed phrases. For men in the conflict or immediately after it, it’s necessary to be alone and think things in themselves, whereas it’s much easier for women to discuss all aspects of the problem. That is why women are trying in every way to "talk" and to come into contact with partner. At the same time a man feels that he is under pressure, and his personal boundaries tough break. He himself strives to give his partner time and space "to cool down" and sort out his thoughts and feelings, that a woman misinterpreted as the indifference and "cold". It is also one of the major errors in the relationship between the sexes is that men tend to offer a solution to any problem, completely oblivious to the feelings, and women have the habit of advising even when nobody did not ask. For men, it is essential to feel that he is accepted what he is and nobody does not want to change him, so to the advice of even the best intentions, they react badly. In the best case, advice should be given, if the man himself asks about it. For women, it is important to be heard and understood, and often a man just need to listen to partner, not interrupting and offering solutions. For this men are perplexed: why complain if then do not take active steps to solve the problems? But the psychology of women is that simply feel supported and cared for by a partner, without guidance on how it should be done, it is enough to gain peace of mind.

References

1

Published

2017-01-12

How to Cite

Сагынгалиева, М., & Ахтаева, Н. (2017). CONSTRUCTIVE STRATEGY OF HAPPY MARRIED COUPLE. Pridneprovskiy Scientific Bulletin, 36(500). Retrieved from http://www.rusnauka.com/index.php/rusnauka/article/view/16297